Do you feel busy every day, but often feel bored and meaningless? Is there a time when you are still running around in the dead of night and it is difficult to sleep? Will you feel tired because of life pressure and emotional anxiety? In such a big city, do you feel lonely and can't find a place to put your soul? Do you feel that happiness is not that simple, even though you have nothing to worry about? Do you feel that in this noisy world, it seems that you are caught in quicksand and it is difficult to get real peace and joy?
"Everyone has a source of peace and satisfaction hidden in his heart. Our manic lifestyle has imprisoned them, but they have been waiting for our rescue. " This sentence comes from mindfulness meditation, which means that each of us is the master of emotions, and we can find our own peace and joy through a series of strategies and ways. This book talks about three points: first, get rid of unconscious thinking and behavior; Second, break the habit; Third, insist on enough time. These three points run through the book.
The structure of the book is simple and clear, and the main content can be divided into two parts. One part includes 1-3, which mainly introduces the internal mechanism behind emotional deterioration and how mindfulness, as a new way of thinking, helps us change from action mode to existence mode. The other part includes the content of article 4- 12, which mainly introduces the theory and practice of eight-week meditation courses week after week, especially seven of them are interpreted around the seven characteristics of action mode and existence mode, and a series of corresponding trainings are designed to help us re-understand ourselves, persist in training with an open and peaceful mind, and treat life well.
The training designed in the book is practical, and it is recommended as the priority treatment scheme by the British National Health and Medical Quality Standards Bureau because of its remarkable curative effect on patients with depression. These methods are also a treasure house for ordinary people to pursue health, happiness and inner peace. So this is a self-help book and a book to help others. This book is a combination of two authors, one is Professor mark williams, one of the founders of mindfulness cognitive therapy, and the other is a media worker with rich mindfulness experience, so this book is both professional and easy to read.
Mindfulness meditation or meditation is a journey of discovery, "not only to discover new scenery, but also to have a brand-new vision." As far as the two important concepts in this book are concerned, I am aware of my "action mode" and "existence mode" and have the ability to effectively "shift gears" when necessary, so as to know myself from different angles. Now I will talk about the transformation of these modes or States with the core content and training of 8-week meditation.
Automatic navigation is a habitual automatic response, which can save our energy or cognitive resources. But over time, it is also possible to solidify our thinking and have a negative impact. Therefore, we sometimes need to examine ourselves soberly, focus on the present, break the original thinking and action habits, and reduce the unconscious interference of automatic navigation. This is a conscious and active choice.
For example, what are your usual eating habits (such as raisins)? How fast? How was the process? How do you feel? Some people may be used to swallowing a handful of raisins in their mouths at the same time. Now, if you use five senses to feel the process and feeling of eating a raisin slowly, that is, touching it-listening to it-watching it-smelling it-tasting it, what differences will you find?
The exercise of raisin facial features is just an example. It is very important to integrate this "raisin thinking" into our daily life, such as brushing our teeth, taking a bath and taking a walk. And keep conscious in these processes.
There are many ways to break automatic navigation or get rid of some habits, such as trying clothes styles or colors that you haven't worn, choosing new routes or modes of transportation to work, and urging children to communicate in another way.
Our brains are good at analyzing, thinking, recalling, planning, comparing, judging, etc. These are the characteristics and essence of action patterns. We are used to spending more time in our brains easily, but we often ignore the rich information sent by our bodies and are unaware of the influence of our bodies on our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
Here is an experiment. Four groups of volunteers put on stereo headphones, listened to a speech at the same time and graded it, but did different actions while listening. One group nodded forward, another group shook its head left and right, the third group shook its head back and forth, and the fourth group did nothing. It turns out that the highest score is the nodding group. In other words, the body has a profound influence on consciousness-"your behavior can affect seemingly simple logical judgments."
Many times, we not only neglect our bodies, but also often abuse them, even accusing them of being disappointing, and regard them as tools for our actions, goals or desires. For example, when we see tempting food, we can't help stuffing it into our mouths and working overtime to digest it. It's late at night, I can't open my eyes, but I drink a cup of coffee, and I can't wait to prop up my eyelids with a stick. In the face of growing body, I complain that my body is poor and my appearance is not good. All these things are known to the body and mind, although they don't realize that this sense of physical and mental dislocation is slowly affecting the health of the body.
Existential mode is another way of thinking, which pays more attention to the connection with the body and focuses on reading and understanding the information sent by the body, such as body scanning practice in mindfulness training. It is the embodiment of the unity of body and mind to cultivate direct and intuitive perceptual ability, not just to live with the heart for granted. Because all thoughts, feelings and emotions are physical feelings and products of consciousness.
Let's look at a story first:
A little boy put the vegetables to be transported in the basket on the donkey and tried to make the donkey go forward, but the donkey seemed motionless. The little boy became more and more impatient, shouted at the donkey louder and louder, stood in front of the donkey and pulled the reins hard. However, the donkey's hoof seems to be rooted and motionless. Seeing the tug-of-war, the little boy's grandfather kindly pulled the reins and said, the donkey won't listen, so do it. "Hold the reins loosely in your hands, stand by and see where you are going. Next, wait patiently. " The little boy did so, and the donkey and the little boy walked side by side, farther and farther away.
Have we pulled the donkey's reins as hard as this little boy in our life? When the reality is inconsistent with our expectations, will we push and pull harder in the direction we expect to move forward? This story tells us that always working in one direction is not always correct and effective. Sometimes, we need to accept the reality, pause, actively change our thinking and wait for the opportunity to come.
Effort means that when we are faced with difficulties, we are used to starting the action mode, judging and comparing the "real" world with the world expected by our minds, prompting us to focus on the differences between them and form various harmful narrow understandings. Only the perfect conditions can achieve the goal. Existentialism requires us to pause our judgment, accept and allow the existence of this moment's experience, observe it simply and tolerably, instead of falling into it, liberate it and deal with the problem in an effective way at the right time.
When you read this, I invite you to take a moment to pay attention to the voices around you and just listen to them. You can name the sounds you hear, such as computer sound, car sound, music sound and so on. You can describe the distance, size and strength of sound; You can observe the sound of walking and breathing in a quiet place. All kinds of voices come and go, but we don't follow them and think about their meaning.
In fact, "the constantly flowing sound background is very similar to your thought flow", which is random. Ears and brains are receiving tubes, which are out of our control. Just like the organ that receives sound, the brain is also the organ that receives ideas. If we don't process and interpret the concept, the concept is the concept, no matter how loudly we shout, it is not our master.
Once we constantly interpret our own ideas and guess the world, we may be as confused as the spread of rumors, and the influence cannot be underestimated. Our interpretation of the world directly affects our reaction, which is the emotional ABC model. How we interpret facts and situations will present corresponding results and reactions.
In the action mode, when we face a real problem, this idea is true in most cases. When we face an emotional problem, the thoughts that follow will be influenced by emotions, which is untrue. If we still think these ideas are true at this time, we will fall into an endless cycle. In the existential model, ideas are just activities in the brain.
Therefore, when we observe our thoughts, we don't explain or analyze them, but just observe them, just like observing the flowing water of a river or listening to the voices coming and going without taking part.
When we face difficulties, what are the usual ways to deal with them? Refuse to escape or face it calmly?
Once upon a time, there was a king who built a palace for his three unintelligent and unlovable sons outside the city and sent soldiers to guard it. A year later, the prince sent a message, "I don't live here, and the mobs around me are fierce." According to the advice of the counselors, choose a place 20 miles away from the rabble, build a bigger palace, and send 100 soldiers to guard it. A year later, the prince sent the same message, so he built a strong castle at 100 miles away and sent 500 soldiers to guard it. However, a year later, the prince sent a message complaining that the residents around him were fierce and worried about their lives. The king replied, Let him come back and live with me. Although I love my son, I can't spare the whole country to keep him out of trouble.
The story tells us that in the long run, some difficulties and negative emotions can not be completely solved by escaping, or even more expensive. The reason for this situation can be attributed to the repeated use of seemingly reasonable action patterns, many of which "should" and "must" set restrictions and create a cage for us, or we simply don't want to face and admit our helplessness and fragility, while the existential model encourages us to approach them, release goodwill, and admit, allow and accept their existence. For example, when I realize my helplessness, I will stop, allow it, pay attention to my body's feelings and interact with it with my breath.
In the action mode, our attention is either in the memory of the past, obsessed with what happened in the past, unable to let go, and difficult to escape from emotional traps such as fear, guilt, sadness and anger; Either in the future planning and imagination, I am worried about the future and fall into over-thinking.
For example, a colleague asked you for help, and you went to great trouble to help him. He said a faint "thank you" and then ignored you when he didn't need you. How do you feel? If you don't take this matter to heart, it will soon disappear, but if you are in a bad mood, or even depressed, your mind will have a different interpretation of this matter, thinking that this person is ungrateful, employing people first, not relying on others, and that such a person is not worth interacting with. With such an inner monologue, short-lived anger may turn into deeper and longer unhappiness over time, because thoughts will keep going back to the past, collecting information and putting together puzzles under such negative emotions. Once this emotion is sealed up, it is easier to become a "fact", and your world will lose its proper texture and color.
In the existential model, our attention stays in the present. At this time, I accept the "anger" of the past and the pain of the past will appear again. At this time, I regarded it as "straw in the wind" and looked at them easily. Those should be left to the past. That's where they belong. I can spare more time and get more freedom of life.
Let's first look at the following figure-tired funnel, which shows the formation process of tired funnel. Our daily activities can be roughly divided into consumption type and nourishing type. Consumptive activities refer to those activities that consume your energy, reduce your mood, make you feel nervous and fragmented, and destroy your vitality and sense of reality. Nourishing activities refer to activities that replenish energy, improve mood, make you feel calm and help to improve your vitality and sense of accomplishment.
The top circle of the picture shows that in your life, activities are abundant, and nourishing activities and things are maintained at a basic balance level with consuming activities and things. When you become busier, you begin to give up some nutritious activities to make room for "important" things, such as giving up hobbies and entertainment for work. In this way, the side effects appear, and the tired funnel gradually forms and becomes more and more tired. The decline of work effect will force more time to work, forming a vicious circle until it slips to the bottom of the funnel and is exhausted. Being in this mode of action for a long time will affect our health and happiness. Nourishing activities in the way of life will restore the balance of our lives.
First of all, we can make a table of the day's activities, divide them into three columns: nourishment, consumption and uncertainty, and fill them in the table respectively. This way, you can see your balance. Balance may not be perfect, but it can remind us of nourishing activities (at least once a day). There is an English proverb "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". ? Then ask yourself, "When did you stop dancing?" Why? ? Next, rebalance your daily activities (try dancing again). One is to increase the types and time of nourishing activities, and the other is to change the way and relationship between consumption and nourishing activities. Start with some simple and easy-to-operate activities and try to list a few. For example, order takeout less once a week and cook at home; Do a mini breathing space meditation while waiting in line to buy food or tea, and so on. In short, even if "the seemingly airtight working wall still has many cracks."
The training of the above seven States is the core content of the eight-week training of mindfulness meditation. The eighth week of training is lifelong, that is, turning mindfulness meditation into a habit and lasting for a long time.
Action mode and existence mode are often a pair of allies, each with its own advantages. The important thing is that we have learned the ability of "shifting gears", providing enough time and space in the face of difficulties and having one more choice. This helps us to coordinate the inner and outer world, balance work and life activities, and get the secret of peace and joy in the noisy world.
As the book says: "Deep peace will not come when the world stops or the mind calms down, but when we allow the body and mind to keep the original appearance of that moment-one minute, one breath after another-peace will be nourished and born." Now is peace.
~ over ~