After giving birth to two babies, I often forget or speak a little upside down for a while. I often laugh at myself and say, "My head is broken." I didn't expect this unlucky joke to be a real joke. In mid-August, 2020, one night, I suddenly felt that my hands and feet could not be controlled, and I had a seizure. I woke up in the morning and spit yellow water continuously without eating any food. Considering that two children at home must have a healthy mother, I didn't delay at all. Go to the hospital for emergency treatment in the morning. I had a brain CT, and the doctor said that there was a space-occupying cyst, which was already oozing blood and had squeezed the inside of my head out of shape. Need to be admitted to hospital immediately, it can be said that craniotomy is needed.

Because it doesn't grow in the functional area, I don't know the existence of this tumor at all, and I have never checked it by physical examination or anything. By this time, I am still ignorant and fearless. I don't know the meaning of the word "occupied space". I didn't even care too much about craniotomy. Don't I think it's just shaving my head? It's okay, another postoperative hero! My husband came back from a business trip quickly. Because of the epidemic situation, the hospital only requires one relative to accompany the whole process to do nucleic acid, and others are not convenient to visit. So during the whole hospitalization, he was completely taking care of me. This person usually likes to sleep late and play with his mobile phone, and has taken care of me in the hospital for a long time. He basically didn't sleep all night, and even got tenosynovitis on his thumb.

The operation was successful, but the next day I had a high fever and said I was infected. The specific reason is unknown. We specially spent 3000 yuan to invite a third party to do the analysis, but we didn't even find out what it was. The money was wasted. Hearing this news, my heart collapsed, and I immediately thought of many bad results. I was in an anxious state. The hospital used lumbar puncture to change the fluid in my head, not to mention how "sour" the artificial lumbar puncture process was. It makes me uncomfortable to press the bed with my back for six hours at a time. The hospital bed is particularly hard, the pillow is pure cotton, and there is no support, which leads to my cervical vertebra is not very good. I'm full. I really don't want to lie down for a minute, but I have to lie down and not move. During my stay in hospital, I had to pee in bed. For me, it's much more painful than taking medicine by injection. I can't pull it out at all. Every day, I look forward to my husband helping me get up, sitting on the bed and taking a shit and urinating. He's going to carry my neck, carry my back, and he's afraid of going to bed with shit. It's really hard.

I have done this several times, and I really can't stand it. The doctor suggested that I have a kind of "management", and it would be faster to pay 9000 yuan at my own expense. I agreed at once, and even thought that doctors should have said earlier that they meant well because they were afraid that patients would spend money, but "delicate" patients like me should also have the right to choose. Then I had a small operation. The doctor stuck a needle in my back like a butcher and changed the water in my head from the tube every day. I often feel that my eyes are closed by strong light and pop-like patterns and I can't sleep. I always have a light bulb in my left eye. Then when I sat up to eat, I felt my head was like a wobbly egg with yolk and shell separated, which was unstable and dizzy all the time.

In order to relieve my discomfort, my husband asked me to read books or play with my mobile phone to listen to music, but my eyes are double and I can't see. I don't know if it's because there is a grandfather on the ventilator in my ward, and the rumbling sound makes me completely unable to rest. Still afraid of the risk of "infection". I had a high fever for a few days, and suddenly I was anxious. Imagine that when the earphone of the mobile phone is connected to the power supply, I become a semi-artificial intelligence robot. My hands imitate robots to do actions and speak. Even when the nurse gave me an infusion, I suddenly panicked and slammed the bedside bell to tell the nurse that I had electricity and could not infuse. I'm numb after watering it! My husband grabbed me and said, "electricity can't exist in water!" " Have you studied middle school physics? "I guess the patients and nurses next to me think I'm crazy, right?

For the next few days, I tortured my husband. I always thought this infection would kill me. It could be COVID-19. My husband is very sad and helpless. He shouted at me, "COVID-19 has lungs. How did he get into your head? " My consciousness really lingers on the edge of fantasy and reality. All I can remember now are those days when I swore every day and tried to commit suicide when I couldn't sleep at night. In addition, I have been lying in the hospital for a long time, and my gastrointestinal peristalsis has deteriorated. I haven't defecated for a long time, and I can't even eat lactulose. I feel very bad. At night, I somehow fell into a state of depression. I even bit my tongue numb and held my breath with my nostrils, but when I really couldn't breathe in, I was afraid of death, so I quickly exhaled.

I stare at the water changing pipe in my head every day to see if the yellow water has become clear, and look at the light from time to time. I have always suspected that the water has not become completely clear, and there are white fat particles in it, which will cause inflammation when the doctor injects it into my head. So that one day the doctor gave me a bottle of potassium injection, and I was so scared that I had a fever. My husband doesn't know what to do when he sees my poor psychological quality. My husband blamed me helplessly and said, "If you mess around like this, will you still feel that you can't stand up in a wheelchair?" Hearing this, I was flustered. Everyone fell asleep in the middle of the night, but I couldn't sleep. I always feel that there is no place to put my arm, which makes me numb. I can't stand the pain in my shoulders and back and roll in bed. My feet are swollen, as if I were hanging upside down on the bed. I lifted my calf, leaving only a bag of soft meat hanging on the bone, patted it with my hand and dangling it. I'm just trying to get out of bed and walk around to see if I can still walk.

My husband suddenly woke up and put me in bed in a hurry because it was dangerous. If I accidentally fall, the consequences will be unimaginable. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't help thinking in a bad direction, complaining and doubting everything, and I can't help fooling around. I can't help it The doctor prescribed me medicine for anxiety, because it is not a problem for me to make trouble in the middle of the night every day, which makes my husband unable to sleep all day. He looked at me with red eyes and said I was crying again. In fact, I don't know, the real examination hasn't started yet, because I always thought it was a benign "cyst", and the biggest fear came from the possible consequences of infection.

One morning when I was making rounds, I found that the attending doctor smiled and encouraged me gently, and then asked my husband to go out with a serious face. When my husband comes back, I will ask him if the pathological results have come out. My husband looked blankly for a while and sat by my bed with tears in his eyes. He can't tell a little lie, a typical science and engineering man. I immediately understood-vicious, right? He smiled helplessly and never thought of telling me the result in this way. Comfort is meaningless, because I can't bear it. I don't know why, some time ago, people who were dying and wanted to commit suicide suddenly became extremely desperate.

I suddenly thought of my two little babies. Thinking of everything my husband has done for me, there is no return, not even a bleak evening scene. I thought of my parents who have always cared about me and helped me, and I have no leisure for a day. My tears are disappointing, and there are 10 thousand in my heart. Why? Why me? God, what did I do wrong? I can't die yet I am the bond of this family. I have to at least wait for the children to grow up. One week in early August, my mother and I took two babies to Chimelong for a trip, and we didn't feel sick at all. I'm still thinking that our family has finally lived the life I want. Both babies are lovely, my husband and I have stable jobs, and my father's stomach cancer surgery is very successful and his body is getting better. I will be very happy after the annual family trip.

But this bolt from the blue suddenly shattered my dream. Then I had to give up my job and become a professional patient. I'm worried about my husband. He's blocking his career. He has to ask for leave frequently. The two children are so young that all I can think about every day during hospitalization is what should I do with them? If I don't stare at my boss's study, she will come down a little. She has made great progress since I left the hospital. The second child is less than three years old, and his mother is too important to him. I am an only child. If I am gone, who will take care of my parents when they are old? Even how do my husband and parents get along? These problems are entangled in my heart. One day, my wound was itchy, so I asked the nurse to wipe it with high-energy iodine. As a result, the little nurse worked a little harder and did something bad with good intentions, which caused my wound to break a little and I missed a pillow when I slept at night.

I went to the doctor on duty and gave me two stitches, wrapped like an egg. It's so uncomfortable. I was in bed for two weeks longer than others because of infection, and now I have been delayed for two days. My husband is very anxious because he knows that I will go to Concord for radiotherapy next. The golden period of 2-6 weeks cannot be delayed, but the situation is constant. I finally got through it and finally ushered in the day of discharge. For me, it is very, very happy to be able to go back to my home, sleep on that Simmons bed, shit in the toilet and walk by myself! But when I got home, I found that it was not just the toilet, but that I couldn't pull my own poop. I'm so constipated that I can't even serve kaisai dew. My mother rubbed my stomach and took a warm bath, so I had to go to the anorectal hospital for enema.

Because I haven't pulled it for a long time, the stools at the door are hard. My husband, the last person who likes to shit and fart, just digs for me with his finger sleeve and helps me dump the shit out in pots. In my husband's words, I pulled as much as a cow, and it finally went smoothly! Who knows that constipation is so painful that stool overflows that it can only be padded? Because it costs 17000 yuan to do genetic testing, Professor Yang of the university gave a plan of direct radiotherapy without chemotherapy and then taking targeted drugs. The drug has not been applied to head tumors, which belongs to the second phase clinical trial. I am lucky to have a free trial for ten months. On the first day in Union Cancer Hospital, my husband went to go through the admission formalities for me, and I first drew blood registration information at the nurse station. The nurse asked me what tumor you were. I don't know how to answer it at the moment, but I think it's a "space-occupying cyst". The nurse looked at me puzzled. At this time, my husband came and the nurse asked if it was glioma. He replied softly, "Yes".

That was the first time I heard what my illness was. He was afraid that I would look around on my mobile phone and affect my mood, so he kept it from me. In order to understand my illness, he joined the patient group and asked others about my illness. Look up all the information you can find. Help me ask my classmates if they have the opportunity to go abroad for treatment, but because of the epidemic, it is impossible to go abroad these two years. Because the bed resources of Concord Cancer are too tight, we are hanging bed for radiotherapy, which won my heart. I am afraid of the atmosphere in the hospital, and I can't help feeling depressed. At home, spending more time with my family is the happiest thing I feel during this time, and my mood will be a little more stable after treatment. Radiotherapy itself is fine. Everyone in the hospital will make a cover suitable for radiotherapy and put it on the designated shelf. Bring your own radiotherapy record card and cover every time you do it. Then I lay on the machine and waited for radiotherapy, because I had local radiotherapy, and the green radiotherapy lamp circled overhead, and it was over in a few minutes.

The uncomfortable thing is that after radiotherapy, people will be very tired, have no strength, have a dry throat and keep drinking water. My head will hurt and my hair will fall off near the radiation area, but my husband said that it will grow back in the future, so don't worry. In order to strengthen the resistance during radiotherapy, my husband bought me foreign ginsenoside. Inquired about various methods to relieve discomfort symptoms. As long as the weather is fine, take me shopping, visiting parks and watching movies after radiotherapy. As a straight man of steel, he encouraged me to buy a beautiful wig. But now the real hair wig costs thousands of dollars, and my husband says I can buy it, but I still don't want to give up. Later, the double eleven was bought relatively cheaply online. He was as happy as a child when he saw me wearing a wig and kept talking. Really, I was dissatisfied with my husband before I got this disease. I think he is lazy, doesn't like to play with children, and holds his mobile phone all day. I complained a lot to him. However, after this hospitalization, I really saw the man's responsibility and gentleness to me.

I deeply agree with many women in society that celibacy is good. A person's freedom makes middle-aged old mothers who hoard children at home very envious. However, after getting this disease, my mind has completely changed. Without my husband's care, support and encouragement, I really don't know how to live and even look forward to the future. Although I know that glioma is easy to recur, with my husband around to support me, I believe that even if I have to undergo craniotomy, radiotherapy and take targeted drugs, my courage will be much greater than mine. The meaning of marriage may not be the sublimation of love, but for two lonely people, they must have found mutual dependence. Young couples are always together, and it is a sense of security to have a trustworthy person to support each other. I feel guilty about my husband, and I may only get his concern. I don't know if I can live long enough to be with each other, but I can only be silently grateful in my heart.

I saw someone say on the internet that it is lucky to have targeted drugs. Aside from the high price, the side effects alone have made me very anxious. Hypertension, rapid heart rate, hand-foot syndrome, urinary protein 3, epigastric pain ... I have been very annoyed that I didn't pay attention to exercise before, and my resistance was really poor, and all the side effects were found out. My mind is full of all kinds of cancer signals. Check on your mobile phone all day and ask your husband if he wants to do all kinds of tests. Can't sleep well at night. When you close your eyes, it's all related to this disease. I told myself not to worry, not to worry, but I just couldn't do it. It's easy to persuade others to relax and feel better. It's really hard for you to turn! I have bloody stool for three days in a row. I was so scared that I read all kinds of articles related to rectal cancer on the Internet. I still have to go to the anorectal hospital for a check-up. Fortunately, it turned out to be mixed hemorrhoids, which eased a little. I put the medicine I need to take every morning, noon and evening, and took my blood pressure three times. I feel that I spend every day taking medicine and eating, and it has become a typical medicine jar. But all I can think of now is that every day I can live is a gift from God, and I will be happy if I can eat and drink Lazarus by myself!

It's good to be alive! It is so precious to spend every day under one roof with the person you love. Seeing the innocent smiling faces of two children, I was both moved and sad. The doctor and my family asked me to go out to play and travel. But due to the epidemic and the fact that both children are at school, I can't go everywhere at this time. I still have responsibilities. I prayed silently in my heart, hoping that some new medicine or therapy can really cure me of this disease, and I hope that God will let me live longer. I really want to see my children grow up and have the ability to live independently, so I am satisfied.

Warm message from anti-cancer guards:

This article reprints the author "Xia Tinger". Glioma is a malignant brain tumor that is relatively easy to recur. However, if the operation can be cleaned and the staging is 1-2, the delay time of recurrence is still relatively long. A former cancer friend of the anti-cancer guardian was diagnosed with glioma, which belongs to grade 2 "diffuse astrocytoma" and the operation was quite successful. After the operation, he will receive 30 times of radiotherapy. Even if it recurs, it may be ten or eight years later. At that time, medicine may have a good chance to be cured, so as long as we don't give up, there will always be hope!

As the earliest cancer community operation platform in China, Anti-cancer Guardian has accumulated senior patients of different cancer types from all over the country, and is also equipped with experienced anti-cancer housekeepers. Here, as a patient or family member, you can consult your illness and seek a solution. If cancer friends are facing the choice of treatment plan, suffering from the side effects of chemotherapy and worrying about how to recover from nutrition, they may wish to join the doctor-patient mutual aid exchange group of anti-cancer guards and seek solutions. If you want to join,