In the Tulip Specialty Healing Group, I have transformed into a butterfly.
? Ruyi/Hanxiang
No longer escape, face depression.
I have always been a little confused as to whether I should record my experience of depression. There are some things that I would rather forget than mention them again, or recall them. However, whether you want it or not, those dark days in your life are unforgettable.
Hanxiang once said that if one day, when you talk about your own depression experience, it is like telling someone else's story, your heart is strong enough. I don't have such a strong heart, so I will feel uneasy, but I know that these problems will have to be faced sooner or later, so I won't run away from them anymore. ?
In October 2017, I went to the hospital for a checkup for the fourth time because I had been suffering from pain in my fingers for two years.
At that time, I was very anxious, but I didn’t know that anxiety was also a disease. I just felt that my mentality was not good, and I would think wildly when I felt a little uncomfortable. I did a B-ultrasound and found that there was indeed a mass in my finger. The doctor said that I needed to be hospitalized for surgery.
The surgery was very crowded at that time, so I went three times before I could get registered. The day of the examination was a Friday, and the doctor asked me to go to the hospital the next Monday.
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? The three days felt like a year, and I finally made it to Monday, but the doctor issued a hospitalization note and disappeared. I originally planned to give the doctor a red envelope for psychological comfort, but I never had the chance. On Tuesday, the doctor and his assistant came to the ward to tell me that I would have surgery on Wednesday afternoon. I stood at the door every day, staring at the doctor, wanting to communicate with him privately for a while, but I never got the chance. By then, I was seriously anxious and worried that the doctor would not do his best. Perform surgery on me...
After the surgery, it took more than two months for the incision to heal. During this period, I may have been under too much stress. Less than a month after I was discharged from the hospital, my anxiety and depression broke out.
That day, I suddenly suffered from palpitations and palpitations. In the four years before that, I had had similar symptoms several times, almost always at night. At that time, I thought I had heart and blood pressure problems, felt like I was going to die, and was very afraid of death. When I get scared, my blood pressure soars, reaching as high as 110/190, so every time I go to the emergency room, except for tachycardia and high blood pressure, no other problems are found.
This time I feel different. Although I still have tachycardia and elevated blood pressure, I can’t get over it. I started to suffer from insomnia at night and couldn't fall asleep in the second half of the night. Counting sheep didn't help. Occasionally I would fall asleep and wake up again. There was no deep sleep at all. My colleagues told me that I could fall asleep by reciting the Heart Sutra, but I kept having nightmares and felt like there was a ghost next to my bed. I sweat profusely every day, feel weak all over, and my legs feel weak. I then suffer from anorexia, burping, nausea, and talking to myself.
I don’t know why I am like this? My brother-in-law came to my house and found out. After I got home, I told my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law knew that I was sick and came to see me. After we chatted, I realized that I might have a mental illness - depression.
? Then, I started to have obsessive-compulsive symptoms, inexplicable fear, random thoughts, and negative things in my heart... When I go to the balcony to dry a piece of clothing, I will think of hanging; when I see the clothes at home As for alcohol, I'm afraid that I won't be able to control it and force my family to drink it. I don't dare to go out or be alone at home. Anyway, I feel like I'm not normal...
? Suddenly I feel like I can't live anymore. , began to think of various ways to die. Except for getting up to eat a few mouthfuls of food and going to the toilet, he would lie in bed like a living dead. About half a month later, I really couldn't stand it anymore. My husband, who was looking worried, called my relative who was studying medicine and told him about my symptoms and asked him what department he should go to the hospital for. That's it. I know the hospital also has a psychiatry department.
Experiences of taking medicine
? I went to the hospital. The doctor asked me some general information and asked me to do an autonomic nerve examination. None of the examination results were normal. , are all in poor and extremely poor condition. When I was talking to the doctor, I didn’t even have the energy to sit down. I had to lie down on the table for a while. The doctor said that my condition was indeed not good. He then took a psychological test and was finally diagnosed with moderate depression with moderate to severe depression. I suffered from anxiety, fear and obsessive-compulsive disorder. The doctor prescribed me the antidepressant drug duloxetine and the sleep aid drug lorazepam, and then asked me to return for a follow-up visit in a week.
From now on, I went to the hospital once a week to get medicine. When I went to the hospital for the third time to get medicine, I could go alone and no longer wanted to die. The doctor observed for a while and felt that She can be treated according to her plan: the treatment period is three months, taking the maximum amount of loxetine, and then the consolidation period is three months, which is also the maximum amount, and then she starts to slowly reduce the dosage, which lasts for eight months until she stops. medicine.
I only took Lorazepam for about two months and I regained sleep. Therefore, when depression is severe, taking medicine and being hospitalized is the first choice. Don’t reject it, it can save lives.
Make your own medicine
? From the beginning of taking medicine, I also learned about breathing and some anti-depressant knowledge in Hanxiang’s Weifang Tulip Group.
? Abdominal breathing method
Abdominal breathing:
First, breathe deeply and slowly.
Second, inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth.
? Third, the duration of each exhalation and inhalation is about 15 seconds. That is, inhale deeply (bulge your belly) for 3-5 seconds, hold your breath for 1 second, then exhale slowly (retract your belly) for 3-5 seconds, and hold your breath for 1 second.
Fourth, 5-15 minutes each time. 30 minutes is best.
Fifth, for people in good health, the breath holding time can be extended and the breathing rhythm should be slowed down and deepened as much as possible. People with poor health do not need to hold their breath, but they need to inhale enough. Practice 1-2 times a day, in sitting, lying, walking or running postures, until you are slightly hot and slightly sweaty. Try to inflate and retract your abdomen 50-100 times. If there is saliva overflowing during breathing, swallow it slowly.
Abdominal breathing involves moving the diaphragm up and down. Because the diaphragm descends when you inhale, pushing the organs downward, the belly expands instead of the chest. Therefore, when you exhale, your diaphragm will rise higher than usual, allowing you to breathe deeply and expel more carbon dioxide that tends to stagnate at the bottom of the lungs.
Abdominal breathing, also called baby breathing, is what we often call observing breathing. Psychologically speaking, focusing on breathing is an exercise that integrates the body and mind. It can allow the body and mind that have been separated for a long time to begin to merge, eliminate the confrontation of inner thoughts, and return to the true self.
Medically speaking, breathing, heartbeat, and gastrointestinal motility are controlled by autonomic nerves, also known as autonomic nerves. Training focused on breathing can repair the advanced nervous system, which is not the same as any other medical means, drugs, or supplements. Unattainable.
You can practice observing your breathing in the morning and evening. When practicing, gently close your eyes and focus on your breathing. No matter what thoughts appear, you must do so without pushing, resisting or entangled. The mind accepts it, and all you have to do is simply observe the breath.
Personal experience: When you first start practicing observing your breathing, treat it as a deep breath, and breathe as long as possible. When breathing, feel where you feel uncomfortable in your body. Is it your stomach, shoulders, neck, or abdomen? Then, focus on the uncomfortable area. After a few breaths, the uncomfortable area will be significantly better. Watching your breath can be practiced anytime, anywhere, while reading, walking, or doing housework.
I have been insisting on watching my breathing now, and it has become a habit. I do a few before going to bed every day and I fall asleep without realizing it. At first, because of chest tightness, I couldn't hold on and let go when I exhaled. Gradually, I was able to insist on saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you" silently in my heart, and then I exhaled completely. Many times I felt anxious. I slowly calmed down my fearful emotions by observing my breathing.
? Through studying, I also learned a lot of knowledge that I didn’t know before. For example, how to live in peace with emotions? How to love your inner child? Another thing is to learn to be aware.
? Watching breathing only allows us to calm down, while the concept head is a healing power. Be aware of your emotions, and as soon as you feel emotional, ask yourself: Why? Then tell yourself that mood swings are normal and there is no need to panic. Just watch it quietly and it will go away. Later, many times you can detect it in time and nip hidden dangers in the bud. The previous fears were all frightened by your own thoughts. ; Sometimes when the energy is low and I can’t calm down, I just do some breathing meditation. ?The role of special healing groups
?Actually, I had depression before the depression broke out, but I didn’t know the cause of the depression at that time, and I didn’t like to interact with others for no reason. I no longer have any interest in my favorite hobbies. I can’t read a single page of my favorite book. I don’t have the patience to do anything. I lie in bed every day and don’t want to do anything.
In April, I joined the tulip healing group painting group founded by Hanxiang and started painting and meditating. I have been doing it for almost a year now. Starting from the simple drawings of kittens, puppies and a small flower, I can now draw more complex paintings.
I concentrated on painting without thinking about anything. I became more and more patient and could sit still. Sometimes I would paint for two hours at a time. I fell in love with painting from the bottom of my heart. Now, I am a painter. Volunteers in the painting group.
I am really grateful to the Huahua Group for making my heart calmer and calmer. Every time I finish a painting, I am indescribably happy. I know I am not professional, but I see myself making progress. The most important thing is that I can concentrate on painting and have something I like. Just do it and stop thinking about it. This is the best way to heal yourself.
? Also, I have been writing poetry for a year. I have always been a literature lover; There is no burden anymore. I try my best to do three meals a day and all the housework at home. In short, I feel that life is very beautiful. People have gradually returned to normal living conditions. Occasionally I have emotions and bad thoughts, but they are not like before. That impacted my life, and I’m already grateful.
In fact, there is really no shortcut to recovery. You need to work hard on your own and make yourself move. When my depression was at its most severe, my legs were so weak that I could hold myself against the wall. I remember Yan Zi, a volunteer in the group, told me to go out for a run. I couldn't run anymore, so I walked away. At that time, my husband said that I looked like a fool. But if I persisted like this, little by little, my physical strength recovered, and I gained energy, slowly gained a smile, and gained an appetite.
A few months ago, I came into contact with the Healing Code. Every night, I followed the volunteers in the Healing Code group to vibrate at the same frequency. I also combined it with breathing observation. , do it without any expectations, as long as it has a meditative effect.
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The healing code is very simple: four gestures plus a prayer. It is the first quantum physics energy therapy. It is just a set of simple movements to increase the body's energy through physical methods, change the negative memory images in the subconscious, and then disintegrate the various beliefs that limit us, release negative emotions, and let our body and The mind and body are restored to their original natural, healthy and perfect state.
Now that I have stopped taking the medicine, my energy has been greatly improved. I am already a volunteer in the second group of Healing Codes, and I am capable of leading everyone to practice together.
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? As Hanxiang said, patients with depression can either take medicine or make their own medicine; they can either calm down or get active. Observing breathing, drawing, writing poetry, running, doing healing codes... are all medicines that suit me.
Embodied cognition, also known as "embodiment", is an emerging research field in psychology. Embodied cognition theory mainly refers to the strong connection between physiological experience and psychological state. Physical experiences "activate" psychological sensations and vice versa. Simply put, people smile when they are happy, and if they smile, they tend to become happier.
In other words, psychology and physiology interact and influence each other. Therefore, as long as we persist in doing something we like, we can reversely shape the structure of our brain cells, which is important for developing new ones. The thinking mode is very important.
Through study, I also learned that I had many misconceptions and obsessions in the past, giving myself so much disallowance, limiting my mind to rules and regulations, and demanding perfection when things happened. Not knowing how to say no, pleasing others makes you very tired; complaining about others and thinking that you are right, a victim mentality, so there are also problems in the relationship between husband and wife. ? Through studying, I learned to reflect on myself, tolerate others, take responsibility for my own life, and feel that my family is becoming more and more harmonious.
? I feel that I am very lucky, because I did not take too many detours during my depression treatment, because I met Hanxiang and Tulip Sunshine Club when I was helpless and desperate.
? It can be said that I am a direct beneficiary of Tulip’s special healing group. I should be grateful. I am grateful for my encounter with Tulip. I am grateful for the anti-depressant knowledge shared by the owners and volunteers of the Tulip Healing Group, which has benefited me a lot. I am grateful for your company all the time, and I hope you will get out of depression soon. Transform into a butterfly like me and enjoy a wonderful new life.