-Chapter 23 of Tao Te Ching
Too high, I don't know; Second, personal reputation; Second, fear it; Secondly, insult it. I don't believe enough, but I don't believe enough. Youxi, its expensive word. When I succeed, people call me "I was born"
-Chapter 17 of Tao Te Ching
Both chapters of Tao Te Ching mention the same problem: lack of faith, lack of faith. It means: the people don't trust the rulers because the rulers themselves are not honest, not because the people don't stress honesty. This truth expounded by Laozi is worthy of people's reflection and reference on the troubled honesty education.
A few days ago, I had nothing to do, watching the movie orphan Zhao. I have played back a scene many times: Zhao Gubo climbed onto the roof in order to get his wood blade thrown on the roof by Platini and Tu'an Gu. Tu'an Gu asked him to jump down and said, You jump down and I'll catch you. However, when Zhao Gu jumped down, Tu'an Gu didn't follow him and told him: michel platini wants you to remember that you can't trust anyone. Zhao Gu was very angry, so he climbed onto the roof again to get his sword. At this moment, Cheng Ying, the father of Zhao Gu, played by Ge You, said to Zhao Gu, Bo Er jumped down and Dad will pick you up. Zhao Gu hesitated and jumped down. Cheng Ying caught him.
Coincidentally, not long ago, a friend sent me a WeChat, which read: A father and his son are playing outdoors. My son climbed up the wall and tried to jump down. He asked his father to catch him below. Before he was ready to jump, his father told him a story: there was also a father and son in this story. The father in the story is a rich man in America. One day, the rich man's son climbed a wall and jumped down. The rich man waited below with open arms to catch his son. But when his son jumped, the rich man dodged. The rich man's son fell to the ground and looked at his father in tears and confusion, wondering why he did it. At this time, the rich man said to his son, I let you fall to teach you a lesson-even fathers are not trusted in this world, let alone other strangers. After telling the story of the rich man and his son, the father who told the story also stretched out his arms and said to his son, Come on, jump down and I'll catch you. At this time, the son is uneasy, and the story told by his father has made him doubt and hesitate. Father urged him repeatedly. So the son gritted his teeth, closed his eyes and jumped. He thought he would fall to the ground like the child in his father's story, but when he opened his eyes, he found himself lying in his father's arms. His father told him: I also hope you can learn a lesson-even strangers can be trusted sometimes, let alone your father.
I don't know if my friend finished reading the WeChat written by Orphan of Zhao, or if the director of Orphan of Zhao copied the story of an American rich man educating his son. That's not what interests me. Let's leave it alone. My interest lies in the word "sincerity".
The so-called honesty is nothing more than keeping your word, but it is so difficult to do this that some entrepreneurs would rather risk bankruptcy and try because of dishonesty! There are too many reasons for the lack of honesty. After reading the Tao Te Ching, I found that the root cause is a "lack of trust". The phenomenon of lack of honesty is everywhere: from state-owned enterprises to family supermarkets at the door, it is almost everywhere. Honey is a traditional export commodity in China. The export volume of 1996 is about 654.38+10,000 tons. 40% of them are sold to EU countries, and the annual foreign exchange earning reaches 1. 1 billion dollars, ranking first in the world. However, due to various reasons, the export volume of 1997 decreased to 48,000 tons. 1998 is lower than 1997. It is understood that honey products are directly related to human safety and health, and countries are very sensitive to this. The small supermarket in front of the school has been selling tofu for some time. The shopkeeper claimed that it was "brine tofu", and everyone rushed to buy it, only to find that tofu was not the "brine tofu" that everyone liked. A female colleague of the company went to the supermarket to buy eggs, but when she bought them, she found that they were actually "rubber eggs" and could not be eaten at all ... A male colleague said with a wry smile: China people are poor and crazy, so they racked their brains to find ways to make money. The seller of pork injects water into the pork and sells it to the seller of vegetables. Vegetable sellers sell vegetables with excessive pesticides to egg sellers, egg sellers sell rubber eggs to milk sellers, and milk sellers sell a lot of milk with preservatives to pork sellers ... vicious circle.
Not long ago, I saw this message on a website:
We talk about the word "honesty" every day, but it is precisely because of the lack of these two simple Chinese characters that our enterprise loses 600 billion yuan every year! What a shocking number this is!
Another source said: the clothes exported by a garment factory in southern China lost $654.38+million in vain because of the lead content of zipper materials, which eventually led to the bankruptcy of the enterprise. ...
Open the Internet and enter "losses caused by poor credit guidance" on Baidu, and you will see the words "about 3.22 million related results found". 3.2 million pieces of information related to "lack of integrity"! This figure is also the feeling of being in the epicenter.
Because the loss caused by the lack of good faith is so great, after the incident, people did not reflect deeply, but blamed each other and shirked each other. No one wants to pay for the loss. Why is there such a phenomenon of "disbelief" between people? Isn't this what Laozi said in the Tao Te Ching: "Lack of faith"? Therefore, the key to honesty is not to ask others how, but to reflect on how you should be. This is true from state affairs to every family. If you find that the other party doesn't trust you, it's best not to criticize the other party, but to deeply reflect on whether you have committed the problem of "lack of trust". At this time, I remembered something a colleague told me.
There is a girl in the same class who often doesn't do her homework, which gives him a headache. She talked to the children over and over again, and claimed that she would check her homework separately every day. Every time, the child vowed that he would make corrections next time and do his homework well, but next time, the child still didn't do his homework and forgot his vows cleanly.
My colleague said angrily to me: such children are born liars! What she said is unbelievable!
Looking at my colleague's frowning brows, I asked him: You said you had to check her homework alone every day. Did you do it?
My colleague looked up at me in surprise and said, I have so many things every day, how can I take time out to check her homework alone every day?
I smiled and said to my colleagues: everything you said can be invalidated. Why can't you allow that girl to be dishonest? You should have heard the story of Ceng Zi killing pigs. Because of a promise to coax children, Zeng Zi really killed the pigs at home. Why?
My colleague sighed deeply and said nothing. About a month later, he was very happy to find me and said that the girl started to do her homework, because he, a teacher, really took time out to check her homework alone every day, so she had no other choice but to start doing her homework seriously.
In fact, in the ordinary days when we get along with students, we always find that students are not trustworthy, but we don't find that our teachers are often "giants in words and dwarfs in action." It is precisely because of our "lack of faith" that students are "suspicious".
At school, I am a teacher. At home, I am the mother of a fifteen-year-old girl. I remember when I was in the third grade, my daughter gave me an unforgettable lesson as a mother for the word "sincerity".
The cause of the incident is this: when my third-grade daughter is studying, she must first tell me and her father: don't sit in the living room, go to her room!
I really don't understand my daughter's weird request, because her daughter has her own room, and all activities are basically carried out in her own room. Do we have any close relationship with her sitting in the living room? This seems a bit irrelevant. However, seeing my daughter's solemn expression, I did as she asked. However, the doubts in my heart have not been eliminated. Why on earth doesn't our daughter allow us to stay in the living room while she is doing her homework? This question haunts my mind like a nightmare, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't understand it in my throat.
I tried to communicate with my daughter and find out her strange request. However, every time I open my mouth, my daughter blocks me back with a word: there is no reason, I just don't like you sitting in the living room when I am doing my homework in the room! This is obviously just a diplomatic rhetoric to fool foreign devils. My daughter's silence aggravated my doubts, and I vowed to make it clear.
My husband was on a business trip that day, and the text message told me not to go home for dinner, so that my daughter and I could make do with it ourselves. My heart was filled with joy, and I realized that the opportunity had come.
In order to make the communication between mother and daughter go smoothly after dinner, I tried my best to pave the way: after discussing with my daughter, I decided not to cook carefully as usual, but to go to the store to buy her favorite noodles-I still don't understand why such fast food with no nutritional value will win the favor of children. More than one parent told me that their children would rather eat instant noodles than enjoy the nutritious meals cooked by their parents. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't agree with my daughter's idea of using instant noodles as a staple food, but in order to create a pleasant conversation atmosphere, I still endured my anger and made her a big bowl of noodles. Watching her gobble up, I think my usual enthusiasm for cookbooks is a kind of suicide. I obviously don't like the kitchen, but I have to sell a lot of time to pots and pans every day for my children. I don't like cookbooks, but I have to put up with the pain for my children. Why did you come? I am really speechless.
After a simple dinner, I suggested having a cup of coffee with my daughter-the little guy likes coffee very much. Normally, I won't tolerate her to develop such a noble but rubbish lifestyle. However, that night, everything had to make way for the smooth communication between mother and daughter, and I made such a garbage suggestion for the first time. The daughter agreed happily.
After the fragrant coffee was cooked, our mother and daughter lay lazily on the sofa and sipped. The daffodils bloom quietly on the windowsill; Phalaenopsis stands proudly in the flowerpot; Moran shyly hid in the green leaves; Jasper, the little family of Haitang, smiled on the flower stand ... The rare silence and peace in the room gave me a brief illusion in my mind: it seemed that I was drinking with my close friends instead of deliberately planning a "conspiracy".
"Come on, Mom, what do you want to ask me?"
While I was meditating, my daughter drank the last drop of coffee and looked up at me with a sly smile on her face.
Hey, this little thing has noticed my "conspiracy"! I'm a little ashamed. Looking at my daughter's bright little face, I recited "mm-hmm" in embarrassment, and I didn't know how to speak at the moment. Half a day, I piled up a big smiling face and asked her, "How do you know that mom has something to ask you?"
"I went to! You always tell me that abnormality is evil. You are too abnormal tonight, giving me a feeling of being too' demon'. It would be strange if nothing important happened! " The daughter shook her head proudly.
Now that the painting has been peeled off, there is no need to hide your true thoughts. So, I asked the question that bothered me for a long time: Why did you ask your father and I to stay in the bedroom while you were doing your homework in your room? If we sit in the living room and read, will it have any bad influence on you?
The daughter stretched herself and curled her lips indifferently and said, "You have to ask my dad this question!" " "
"But, your father is not at home tonight, can you tell me the truth? To tell the truth, my mother is fascinated by this problem. If you don't tell me the truth, I will be tortured by curiosity. " I stood up and stroked the pot of daffodils blooming on the windowsill to hide my helplessness.
"Mom, do you have so much curiosity? No matter how strange things happen in our class, you can' solve the case' in a short time. Didn't you always boast that you wouldn't change the chief of police? You didn't find the answer to this question? " My daughter smiled twice, and the tone of disdain was full of ridicule for me-maybe she was resistant to me. It seems that my daughter has her own opinion on my usual practice and doesn't appreciate me as a strong mother who works as a shift worker.
"Do you know what the students call you? Everyone calls you Sherlock Holmes, mom! However, you must have no idea how proud I am to have a mother like Holmes! I am very helpless! You know everything. Do you know how much pressure you put on your classmates? You said that many students in the class are your' little eyes and ears', and all parents are your good friends to help you manage the class together. No matter what bad things the students do at home, you will soon know ... making everyone feel insecure, suspicious and even have no minimum trust! There was a class meeting yesterday afternoon. You said that some female students in the class openly called male students their' male gods', and that people should go to you to apologize. Do you know what happened in class after the class meeting? Everyone is covering their mouths and dare not say anything! There is a classmate in our class who didn't come home from the Internet cafe all night during the summer vacation. You know that, which makes that classmate hate his mother! Fortunately, later you said you didn't fucking tell you ... "
"His mother didn't tell me, it's true. I learned it through another channel. " The more I listened, the more surprised I was, and I quickly interrupted my daughter's sharp words.
"No matter what you say, you know what happened in the class is definitely not something to be proud of! Because you let students guard against each other without trust, and trust is the key to open their hearts, and sincerity is the bridge connecting their hearts. Do you understand mom? "
My daughter usually doesn't like long speeches, but that night, her sharp words, fluent language, majestic momentum and powerful explosive force made me, an adult who is both a mother and a class teacher, at a loss. In particular, her last sentence made me feel quite sad while I was ashamed. I think the reason why she doesn't allow us to sit in the living room when doing homework is also related to the word "trust".
Sure enough, my daughter told me this question next.
"Don't you always ask me why I don't let you and dad sit in the living room when I do my homework? I'll tell you the truth, mom. " My daughter looks very cold with a cushion in her arms. I got up and found her vest and put it on her, but she immediately threw the clothes aside. My heart was crumpled by her subconscious actions, and I was very hurt-my daughter didn't appreciate my concern at all!
"Mom, please come to my side and have a look through the window of the bookcase in my room. What do you see? "
I sat down beside her silently and looked at the bookcase through the open door of her room. Everything on her desk is clearly reflected in the glass window!
I seem to understand something.
"One night when you weren't at home, I got tired of writing my homework and took a novel to read. My father is sitting where you are sitting reading. However, he suddenly threw away the book and rushed into my room, grabbed my novel and threw it on the ground, yelling at me loudly: You are clamoring for study every day, and you are reading casual books behind our backs? If you do this, how can I trust you! I'm scared. I don't know how my father found out. Later, after the incident, I pondered it over and over again. Finally, I found you sitting in the living room reading, actually looking at me through the glass of my bookcase! You say that trust is the foundation of interpersonal communication every day, but how do you do it? You don't even trust your own daughter! "
My daughter looked at me and sniffed, her eyes were a little red.
Like a thunder rolling over my ears, I suddenly froze. My daughter asked us to leave the living room before doing our homework. There is such a complicated story behind it! Looking at my daughter's flushed face with excitement, I didn't know what to say at that time.
The peaceful and pleasant atmosphere was replaced by unbearable silence, and I sat on the sofa speechless. Trust is the key to open the soul, and sincerity is the bridge to connect the soul. My daughter's words echoed in my ears, which made me feel ashamed as a mother.
"Well, mom, I'll tell you, is your curiosity satisfied?" The daughter stood up. "I am going to do my homework. Please stay in the bedroom! " "Say that finish, my daughter pretended not to care and went to the room to do her homework.
I looked at the back of her sudden loss of land, and my heart was like knocking over a five-flavored bottle, with all five flavors. My daughter's questioning left me speechless. Reflect on your words and deeds. Is what your daughter said unreasonable? I educate her and my students with the word "trust" every day, but how much trust do I give her and those young children? Emerson said: If you trust others, others will be loyal to you. This kind of trust is not only in the mouth, but more importantly in the heart! As the daughter said: the trust of the soul is the key to the soul.
Thinking of this, I went into my daughter's room and pulled her to sit down in the living room again. I sincerely apologize to her and promise her on behalf of her father that I will never monitor her study from the window of the bookcase again. At the same time, I also made a request to her: if you want to win the trust of others, first of all, you can't do things that others don't trust. If you are tired of studying and playing for a while and reading idle books for a while, you can make it clear to your parents in advance so as not to cause unnecessary misunderstanding and cast a shadow over your family. The daughter solemnly agreed.
Now, my daughter is about to enter senior two. It has been two years since that incident, but every time I think about it, I still have a lot of thoughts in my heart. On the first day of 20 14, my daughter opened her eyes in the morning and I told her that this year, an important theme in our family was "trust"! Because trust is an invisible but powerful force in a person's life, it will bring you invisible but precious wealth.
There is a saying in Britain: Credit gives gold, because gold is easier to get than credit. This folk proverb tells us the difficulty of honesty education and the importance of honesty. Shakespeare once said: If you want others to be honest, you must be honest first. Shakespeare's sentence is similar to Laozi's "if you don't believe it, you will have it." Therefore, when we feel that our students have no integrity, we'd better reflect on whether we have achieved integrity, which is the key to integrity education.